Message written byHolly
October 02, 2007 at 23:23:47:
Hi Ken !
I was referred to your site by a lovely friend on a wonderful message board.
My mom passed in June 07. It was quite unexpected how quickly everything turned bad for her and how devestating this has all been to me and the questions that may never be answered !!!(stage 4 lung cancer metastized to spine and finally brain).
She was getting radiation treatments and started to sleep for 97% of the day. I couldn't give her the medications or food. We were concerned and checked her into a local hospital for hydration (we had no idea that this was the start of the end - just thought she was sleeping from the rad and the nausea also). She was starting to lose normal communication 2 days into the hospital stay.
She said to me "you don't know what kind of nightmares I'm having". She wouldn't elaborate on what she was seeing !! This is one of my questions to you ? what did that mean ? what did she see ? what ever it was ,,it was frightful.
After the week was up at the hospital, they pushed us to hospice. She would no longer get intraveneous sustance anymore.
We brought her home to in house hospice (she was home 2 weeks before her passing).
I watched her get weaker - like a wind up clock slowing down.
I'd say to her during her strong moments that I loved her and asked if she loved me back and she'd just look at me with no expression. She would answer all other questions but that. She would also tell me she was going to smack me in the face.
I don't get much in the way of ADC's from her - I told her before she passed that I would find her again somehow someway and I've tried so hard to make contact and can't like the others I have read on the message boards.
My next question is - why hasn't she tried to let me know she's ok ? I'm feeling like she really didn't care about me anymore in the end. I cry so much withour her company..we were so close and did everything together.
Also, do our personalities change when we pass over ?
do we find different interests there ?
My mom also had a tear well up in the corner of her eye the day before she passed. When we brought her home from the hospital, she kept her eyes closed. I kept asking her to open them so she could see me, but she didn't. I cried to her one day and told her how much I would miss doing our daily things together, she opened her eyes and looked at me the entire time I spoke to her and when I was done, she closed them again. Why the tear the day before she passed and why did she have her eyes closed when we brought her home ?
Thanks Ken for your time and patience !!